It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
