i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
as a side note pls kill me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
the raccoons are back...
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