I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
