The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Boobs are out for the taking
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
