Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
vagina is talking i cant
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize