i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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