i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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