You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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