the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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