nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
