i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
