i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
