You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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