I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
