Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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