A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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