He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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