we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dear god my vagina.
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