Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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