coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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