i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
