College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
