just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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