its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
