my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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