Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Randomize
