Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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