Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we should paint friendship bongs
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