He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
