Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
