My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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