Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
