I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize