So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to sanitize my soul.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
