No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize