He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
