one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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