You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
