I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
be right there i have to get my cape
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
