Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
