So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
