two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I want is dick and wine.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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