if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
