I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
