why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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