You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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