When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
