A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
