walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
