I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize