There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
