I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We left the knife in your bed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
