This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
