I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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