I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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