Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
