I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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