Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
