apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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