i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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