dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
