her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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