It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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