she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
