they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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