Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
