can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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