sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
