You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
