I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she peed on how many people?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
