I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
