What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize