I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
