it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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