So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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