My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
