I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
