If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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