He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
