I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize