My Higher Power is John Stamos
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
