I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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