I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize