i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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