my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
