I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
