She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
