fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
