nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
