So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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