i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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